It's Possible...

...that I'll just be using this blog to show off pictures of the kid. He "helped" the church youth group at their Amazing Race and managed to charm his way into several of the photos.

Who's going to win this part of the race?

Joe had to make it look like he was giving Michael a handicap, but I think he was peeking under the blindfold.

It's a good thing this is a race, because I'm a fast runner!

We had a great day. I'm not quite wore out, but I'll take a seat anyway.

How Do We Get Where We're Going

I don't talk about adoption a lot on here. I don't want Michael to ever feel like he's defined by the fact that he was adopted. It is part of him, but it's not all of him. But I do want him to always know his story. I don't want him to ever look back and be able to pin-point the moment he found out he was adopted. I want it to just be a part of his reality--a reality that gives him comfort and confidence as he sees God's hand in his life. I want him to know his history and in case he ever associates in his mind what I feel about his biology and what I feel about him, I want him to know that I like the people that gave him life--that he comes from people who have their strengths and weaknesses just like any other family. I want him to be glad that he gets his nose from G'pa Mac, his musical ability from Melissa, his love for dogs from Darlene and his looks from Chris.
I worry that I'm not going to be able to communicate all of this to Michael. Like every mom I want to spare this amazing little boy every moment of pain and confusion that may ever come his way. But that's not how life works. And that's not how we develop strength. So I need to ask God to use every bump in Michael's road to grow him into a man who seeks after God's heart. To draw him closer and closer to the safety that exists in following God's path for his life.
I do trust that God cares about every hair on his head. And he wants all of us to come to him and gives us the best opportunity to decide to be his children. I believed that before I had a son and I believe it even more strongly now. This boy that I didn't give birth to has been placed in my family because for some reason, being raised by me is going to give him, not a better life, lifestyle, or family, but give him the best opportunity to grow into a person who will say "yes" when God asks him the question, "will you follow me?" And I'm so thankful I get to be here for this. And so thankful that I get to be his mom.
He's going to be 2 on Friday, so I'll write more about the boy he's becoming on his birthday.

Somebody Misses Her Dog

This is just a real quick post to give Darcy a Pepper fix. I imagine it's very hard to leave such a sweet dog behind. I can tell he misses his family, but he does enjoy hanging out and wrestling with his cousin Jorgie--especially now that he's had a hair cut and doesn't have to worry about passing out from heat exhaustion. I probably already posted this first picture, but in the spirit of "Before and After" I've included it again.

A Trip to the Zoo

Michael's Before and After

Want Some Bread with that Jam?

When I was a kid my very best friend in the whole world was Angela. I think we met very soon after she was born and we grew up knowing that we were friends forever. She was so funny--and so brave. She would always do the things that I was too afraid to try. She'd even pick up worms--and didn't chase me around with them because she knew I was scared. So, there's a story from when we were really young, and I don't remember the details at all--just a sense of what everybody was talking about at the time. I guess Angela used to suck her toe. Not her thumb--but her toe. And it could be that she only did it a couple times but the adults around us talked about it a lot because, let's face it--what adult wouldn't want to be flexible enough to suck their toe? Anyway, poor Angela got sick and maybe for comfort or maybe for entertainment while she was stuck in bed, she sucked on her toe--and gave herself strep toe! When we were on a road trip the other day, Michael seemed to think this was normal behavior--I decided to put this picture here in honor of Angela--in case she ever finds her way to my blog :)

WIP Tag

For anybody in manufacturing the term WIP is a necessary head's up that the product on the shelf isn't completed yet--it's a "work in progress." I feel like I've been using that term a lot lately. I get something started and have to move on to something more urgent before I get anything finished. It's kind of a frustrating way to work. Set this aside, come back to it later, work on this a while, set it aside, come back to it later. (In the football business later is October...) So tonight I took a look at poor Pepper and realized that I'd been intending to take him in to get a hair cut for a long time. And it's hot in Michigan this week. So I said to myself--what's the easiest way to save 40 bucks on a dog groomer? Well, getting out my handy clippers. So I started with his head because he was having a hard time seeing. Then, the back is supposed to be easy so I moved to that. Next, I started on his front legs, but that's when he got a little antsy. I only have one blade for my clippers (which means "one length fits all") so at that point I decided to let them cool off before I continued. On my best days I'm not very good at clipping, but when Pepper is a WIP, the temporary result can be downright scary. He made me promise not to take his picture, so I won't show you what he looks like right now.
But thinking about a work in progress reminds me of the cute children's song--"Kids under construction" that the Gaither sing (Darcy--am I right? Is it the Gaithers?). And about all the times people say, Oh--I'm not finished yet, God is still working on me. And while that's a huge relief--that God finishes the good work that he's started--let me just throw out a word of caution. I have a friend that I've been thinking for years, "if God gets his attention, he's going to be a great man of God" but instead he avoids taking his Christian life seriously. He avoids letting God work on his heart and avoids any situation where he might actually get moved along towards maturity. Let's not get complacent on the journey, thinking that where we are is good enough. WIP's only redeeming quality is that they will be completed eventually. And just ask Pepper--stopping 1/2 way there isn't pretty.

Tractor Sales

Don't you think Michael should be on some Farmall Tractor Dealership's home page? I think seeing a kid this young that's already sold on his "H" tractor would make sales sky rocket. I'm pretty sure Michael just wanted to let Grandpa know that he's ready to help on the big tractor. He gets to ride the yellow tractor and the lawn mower all the time, but it's harder for Grandpa to steer the big tractor with a little boy trying to help. Michael parks his tractor in his barn at night just like Grandpa (even though he puts his ambulance upstairs and I'm pretty sure Grandpa wouldn't do that even if the barn had an upstairs) to make sure he's got the process down for that great day when Grandpa says, "Michael--go grab the big red tractor and let's get to work!"

Trimming the Fat

I post a lot of pictures, and I hate to let any of them go. Can a mother really delete a picture of her child? It's not easy. But I was thinking of my poor family members that have a less than speedy internet connection and I wondered if it was worth the wait every time to see the same huge picture of Michael pop up. So I decided to keep the pictures strictly in the posts and when they age out of the front page, it will make your life even easier. But please feel free to track them down when you need your Michael fix.

The Bird Whisperer

My niece Katie is a sweetie. Apparently even the birds think so. From what I hear, this one perched on her head for quite a while. I knew she wouldn't mind if I posted it here so her cousins can see her new friend.

Phones

I know I'm pretty attached to my cell phone. I don't think I realized the extent until my new phone broke. The depth of panic I felt as I considered shipping it in for repair and going who knows how long without a phone can only be compared to the relief I felt when the customer service rep told me I could take my phone in and exchange it on the spot at any Alltel store. Wow. Let's not even joke about that. No phone? I'd go crazy.

Timing is Everything...

...and somehow my animals already know this. The dogs sense any time a woodland creature even tiptoes across the property and apparently they like to work in shifts to keep the perimeter clear. So in their minds, this is how the evening should go (keep in mind that I'm using my new Internet in my easy chair under my laptop):
Pepper heads out to survey the scene. Now, he's quick so he can get that job done pretty quickly. He comes back to signal to Jorgie that he might need some help so she heads out as well. They head out together to reassess and quickly return to let Jackie know that she needs to crawl out of bed and get out there (they know when it's time for the big gun).
You may be saying to yourself, so you have to get out of your chair 3 times to open the door--what's the big deal? Did I mention that I sit in a recliner with a 13 lb cat perched on the back who glares at me every time I move in the chair and cause her to have to rebalance herself? Now she doesn't have front claws, so I can fool myself into thinking she's just patting my head every time I sit down, but way in the back of my mind I suspect that she'd make a stronger point if she could. Also, the dogs don't ever agree on when the coast is clear. Jorgie always senses that there might be some kind of danger and if she's honest with herself she'd admit that she deals with it much better from inside. So she comes back in early to consult with me. By taking a nap at my feet. Eventually Pepper remembers that the bed is much softer than the ground, so he heads back in. Jackie takes longer. Hours longer. Most nights I have to go outside and get her so that I can go to bed. Some nights however, she notices the other dogs are already in and starts to get worried that they'll eat all the dog food so she hurries in a little early.
Our morning routine is a little easier on me. They all go out at the same time, even though they trickle in on the same schedule they use at night.
They're smart dogs, though. If they start to sense that I'm getting inclined to leave them out all night, they do something very brave--like last night when they saved me from a swooping bat. I'd guess averaging about four bats a year keeps them in pretty good graces.

Picture Show

Michael's favorite book right now is "Just a Nap" by Mercer Mayer. We read it every night before he goes to bed as he cuddles under his big fuzzy blanket with his doggie. Sometimes he takes it a little too much to heart and tries to see what he can do to avoid nap time himself.

This time he tried to talk Pooh into convincing me it wasn't nap time yet: "Tell her, Pooh! We're not tired!"

I thought Pepper's Africa family might like to see a picture of him. He needs a hair cut, but I don't think we're done with the cold weather quite yet.

Michael wanted me to let you know that Pepper doesn't jump off the couch right away when he crawls up beside him. They're turning into better (not best, yet) friends!

I must try awful hard to convince Michael that reading is a fun activity. He used to say "The End" when we finished a book, but now he says, "Good book!"

Where have I been?

I can't even tell you why it's been so long since I blogged. Work is getting busier. And right now the only time I can access the Internet is at work (isn't that terrible? I'll have it at home within the week!!!) But part of the long delay is I just can't think of anything to say. Most of the time I think it's great that life goes along with little change. But I realize this leaves little to write about. So that's probably the reason it's been so long. Life is just drifting along peacefully and wonderfully. So for a while you'll have to put up with hearing dog stories and fun Michael stories. Now if anything extraordinary happens, I'll put the title in Bold Letters just in case you've gotten in the habit of skimming :) And I'll post some pictures later today.

Doesn't Look LIke the Right Path

Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading and praying about the foster care system in Michigan and I've decided not to go that route. It was surprising to me how much control the state has during the foster process. I've just decided that it's kind of a big door to open up to a non-Christian agency--like inviting them to have a say in my family even though I know that I won't be happy with what they say.
Anyway, thank you to everybody that's been praying for me and Michael. The process now is much less exciting. I simply need to wait until I have the money set aside for the home study and then I go on a very long list of people waiting to be matched with a baby. Don't expect frequent updates--the minimum time from this point is probably a couple of years.
Love, Jamie

Aha...Pictures

Mommy and I had a great time hanging out last week. She told me that we should put some pictures of our week on here so you can see how much fun we had. I kept her pretty busy. We found my fishing hat. I was a little sad that I didn't have it when we went to Florida for Christmas so I wore it to show Grandpa that I'm ready to go fishing when he gets home.

I'm sure Grandpa is about ready to teach me to drive the tractor. I've been practising so I'll be ready to help mow the lawn or plow the garden.

Ready to go!

Kaden was trying to show me the fun way to go up the slide, but Mommy kept saying we just go down on this part.

Kaden showed me the fun house he likes to play in.

I was very gentle around Baby Tylee.

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to hold all the Elmo's.

Mom and Kristi wanted a group picture but I staged a little protest.

All that playing finally caught up with me and Doggie so we took a nap on the way home.

Vacation...

I just took a vacation from work for a week. I didn't travel anywhere, I didn't really get anything done, but man do I feel good. It was such a nice, relaxing week and I feel ready to face the world again. (I don't typically face the world at work--just all the football coaches--but I had been feeling somewhat overwhelmed lately). Anyway, Michael and I had a very nice time. I reluctantly put him to bed at about 9 last night--we cuddled for an extra long time after his night-night story trying to draw out our week of full time mommy.
I think tomorrow is going to have to be another picture day. We had some fun times with Michael's friends Kaden and Tylee. If I can get my camera to cooperate, I'll post some pictures of the three of them.
Well, work is demanding most of my attention today, so I'd better get back to it.

Is It Time?

Well, for those of you that know Michael's story you know that when things started to happen they happened very quickly. I made one phone call to an adoption agency to make an appointment to gather more information about international adoption and found out I was smack in the middle of God's timing because he already had Michael in the oven (so to speak). It reminds me of the story of Gideon where God made it so obvious that he was the one doing the work that he cut the army down to 300 men. I was like Gideon in a way during that time. I kept asking for sign after sign. I kept needing to be convinced that I was following God and not my own plan. I trembled every day thinking things were happening too fast and there was no way I was going to be ready for a baby. My mom probably remembers how I burst into tears when I got the call to head to the hospital and how I was trembling too much to pack. She knows I was worried about the baby and his health, but she might not know that I was terrified that I wasn't ready!!! I didn't know how to be a mom. But God didn't need a huge army of 30,000 to make me a mom. He just did it.
So knowing how quickly God has worked in the past, you may understand my feeling that making a phone call can really get a ball rolling. You might understand my hesitation to pick up the phone. But adoption has been on my mind and heart again. I want a baby, but more importantly I want to be in God's timing. I want to follow where he's leading and I want to be ready to go there with him. Next week I'm going to Fremont to meet with a lady about her quilting business. I'm excited to find out from somebody who is in the trenches whether this seems to be a viable option for a single mom that wants to work from home. And then the thought crossed my mind. My adoption agency is in Fremont. Maybe I should swing in and just get some preliminary information while I'm in town. So I called. And I didn't think it would feel like pushing the first domino like it was last time. But Suzanne from the agency just called back and she said, "Jamie--I think you should consider this new program we're doing in the county right next to you--when I got your call I immediately thought of this for you." The program is foster to adopt. Where an infant is placed with me while the county is trying to help the natural mom make changes and decisions that will enable her to parent the baby. And then that baby may or may not remain in my family. Wow--can you get hurt doing something like that. With a baby, you invest your whole heart. You can't give them less. But I wouldn't be putting my heart out there in the hands of the county or the adoption agency or even the baby. It would be safely sheltered in God's hands where he would continually remind me that whether the baby was in my family on a temporary or permanent basis, it's better to be in God's timing than anywhere else.
So I have the feeling that the next family member is already "in the oven." Don't get me wrong--I know that God's ways are not my ways. So he could be preparing my heart for a completely different lesson. It may end up that God says NO!! Don't head in that direction. Or it could be there's a baby that needs Michael and I for just a little while. Whatever is fine. And whatever comes with it--if it brings me closer to God, how can I complain about it? How can I doubt his love and care for my family when he takes us places that make us lean more fully on him?
So all of you that read this are in at the ground floor this time. This is the day after the first phone call. We'll see what happens from here.

For Andrew

Andrew,
Your mom told me while we were chatting that you missed me. It was nice to know that you enjoyed the time you were here. It made me feel good to know that. So I thought it might be nice for you to know that I miss you, too. I miss running with you (OK, after the first couple of days I was running behind you, but I still miss it). I wish we had done more road races. Next time you're home I'm going to have them all scheduled ahead of time so we don't miss any. I miss playing cards with you. I especially miss the look on your face when you realize that you still have your foot from several rounds back. I miss how you're able to laugh at yourself when you do something funny and how you don't mind other people laughing with you. It's like you enjoy making them happy. I miss having you come out to the car when I get home from work to ask if I need any help. Every time I carry groceries in I always think, If Andrew were here he'd be helping me do this. You're such a thoughtful young man. I can tell that you consider other people's feelings and that it's important to you that the people you care about are taken care of. Your brothers and sisters are so lucky to have someone like you in their family. And Michael is lucky to have you for his cousin. I'm glad he got to know you when he was very young, because when you're older he's really going to look up to you and be able to learn a lot from you. I bet it feels like you're missing out on so much back here at home while you're in Africa. I feel like I miss out on a lot not being there with you, but then I remember that you are still the same person. You'll change and grow and learn a lot of stuff that I don't know anything about, but the important things don't change. God put us in the same family and that doesn't change no matter what.
Love,
Aunt Jamie

Pepper's New Brother

Well, Pepper would like me to announce that he has a new brother living in Africa. His name is Jasper and he is cute, cute, cute. And Darcy asked me to post some pictures of him so here they are!







It sounds like he really enjoys his new family. Pepper misses them all, but is relieved to know they have another dog now to take care of things. He's busy here in Michigan trying to run the skunks out of ammunition...
For those of you that like to know a little dog breed info, Jasper is part Boerboel.

Some sad days

We had sad news a couple weeks ago. My aunt passed away unexpectedly. It's never easy to say good bye to a loved one, but it was very difficult watching my uncle and cousins deal with their shock and grief--just knowing they were looking at the empty days ahead without this woman who was such a huge part of their lives. When I think of her and my uncle I think of them as best friends. Married for 41 years, but still looking forward to each others company every day. Now, I'm running out of time to be married for that long, but if I ever have a 40th anniversary I hope my husband looks at me the way my uncle looked at my aunt. And I hope I take care of that future husband like my aunt took care of her man.
My parents came home for the funeral and Michael and I got to host them for about a week and a half. It was so nice for Michael to get to spend some time with his Grandpa and Grandma. Theirs were the first names out of his mouth every morning and he could barely contain himself until he located both of them and then made sure they knew he had a tractor and a ball ready to be played with the minute they finished their coffee.
The last two weeks sure had me thinking about the two ends of life. Here's my son, forming these strong, life-time bonds with people. The same kind of bonds that take part of ourselves with them when we have to let go. But we still know, even through the loss, that we are so much richer for every person we let into our world and into our life. No matter how long we get to keep them.

End of Day

I get so excited as the clock on my phone ticks (actually it's digital) closer to the end of the day. I used to look forward to the freedom of being on my own schedule but now it's so much more than that. I can't wait to see Michael. It's like my day starts when I'm walking by Aunt Sharon's front window and I see my son holding up his favorite toy saying "Mama--ball" then over his shoulder "Mama back!"

Forecast in Michigan

Well, I don't know how to check the weather forecast but I sure hope it's going to warm up soon. We are all (well, just us dogs) in the doghouse. I am the only possible exception and that's because nobody in their wildest imagination can picture me making a pile that big. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Poor Aunt Jamie. She's been so nice letting us stay inside on the really cold days that we've been having and I have to say I think it's because of me. I mean Jorgie goes outside and finds the biggest snow bank to hang around in. She just lays there like she's in the sauna or something. And then Jackie has taken complete control of the dog pen. She'll let us in occasionally, but in general Jorgie and I are considered too rowdy to hang around in the sheltered area. I guess Jackie is like her mom--playing is for outside. Dog's don't get to wrestle in the house. So I'm the one that sits out there shivering (more when she's home--a little bit of exaggeration for effect).
Well, as soon as Jamie got home from work yesterday I knew there would be trouble. She wrinkled up her nose and yelled "everybody out!!!" And she wasn't talking to Michael or the cat. From outside I could see her wandering from room to room--kind of following her nose like we do when we're looking for rabbits. And I could tell when she found the pile. Not just by the gagging motion, but by the look of utter shock that any of us could produce a pile that massive. I'm not sure her look included the admiration that we dogs felt when we first saw it, though. Maybe a little outrage. Anyway, I believe that's the end of the indoor treatment that we've been receiving. It was a pretty good gig while it lasted...

Tagged

I was tagged by Sherry to write 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about myself. Here's what I came up with:
1) I have unusually early childhood memories--I remember breaking my crib and having to move into my sister's bunk bed. I remember a trip to Florida before I turned 3.
2) I'd rather arrive late somewhere than early.
3) The roof of my mouth curves down instead of up.
4) I still love to play the French Horn 20 years after high school.
5) I haven't changed my shampoo brand in 15 years.
6) My middle name came from my mom's hospital roommate's husband. That's what you get going into the hospital expecting a boy and getting surprised by a girl.

Now I'll tag Darcy but we'll have to wait a while for her response. Hopefully she'll be at a new house soon and able to play around on the web anytime she wants to.

Wouldn't you know

I said in my last entry that Michael gets over illness pretty quickly so I was expecting his cold to be a minor bump in our road, but it turns out that we have thought of nothing else for the last week and a half. I don't remember the last time I took a sick day from work before last week, but I wasn't physically there for 2 1/2 days and mentally I'm still not sure where I am. Michael's fever went high enough to scare his momma, but not high enough to require a trip to the doctor. I kept telling myself that it was just a cold and when I caught it from him a couple days later I had the comfort of knowing I was right and it wasn't some little known, deadly childhood disease. (Sherry--I want to make sure I don't say that wrong, so I avoided the compicated task of assigning a diagnosis to either disease or child). Anyway, we're still waking each other up with our constant hacking, but are both on the road to recovery.

Michael

I haven't written about Michael in a while--thought I'd give an update about him. He's getting so big. He really listens to what I say and I can tell he understands direction and what I'm telling him. He likes to get up on the couch but can't quite reach so he pulls a pillow off the couch to step on and then he can hop right up. He was wearing my boots while he was trying to get up the other day so from across the room I told him to remember that a pillow would help him get up and sure enough he grabbed the closest one and pulled it down to the floor to use as a step. He seems just like a sponge right now, soaking up everything he can possibly learn. He says quite a few words--cheerios and banana are the most recent. It really tickles him if a word has a funny sound. Aunt Sharon brought him some oranges from Florida and he gets a smile on his face every time he says that--because he likes the sound of the word or maybe because he loves oranges.

He also started running. He loves to run around the house and runs across the room just so that I'll hold out my arms and tell him to "Run" and he zooms back to give me a hug. He loves to give hugs and usually accompanies it with an "awwwww...." He hugs the phone when he talks to his Grandma and Grandpa and sometimes he hugs it when I just mention them. Jackie has started to let him hug her, so he must be getting more careful about toes and ears--but Pepper and Jorgie are still pretty cautious. The cat lets him pet her which shocks me because she doesn't like a lot of attention. She usually sticks it out until he grabs her tail, which is kind of unfortunate because he rarely lets go when she starts to walk away.

He's feeling a little sick today. He has a runny nose and a little bit of a cough. He kept waking himself up during the night and was up really early crying for momma. I just talked to Aunt Sharon and he fell asleep for nap time about 15 minutes after I dropped him off. Poor little pumpkin. He seems to get through stuff really quickly though and it's the weekend so I get to be home with him for a couple days which will be nice.

Stop Following Me!

Well, I used to think I was the favorite because I'm the only dog allowed on the good couches. I don't know why but it might have something to do with Jorgie and Jackie taking up all the room when they sleep on the couch while I'm very careful to curl up in an unused corner so I don't disturb Aunt Jamie. She said it's because she couldn't bear to disappoint me when I'm looking at her with my big puppy dog eyes. I get away with a lot because of the eyes. Anyway, we used to have a pretty good arrangement with Jamie and I sitting on the couch, Jorgie on the rug and Jackie in the other room where she could sleep on the carpet. Now all of a sudden Michael has learned how to climb. And his favorite place to be is whichever couch I'm on. And my least favorite place to be is whichever couch he is on. So you can imagine the musical chairs that goes on in the evenings. I can tell Jamie is trying to help--telling Michael to "be nice to Pepper" but his idea of nice and my idea of nice are two totally different ball games. He thinks it's nice to pet me, but I have a strict age limit on who is allowed to pet me. Basically, anybody younger than my kids (Joshua and Jonathan are the youngest--they're 6) is too young to pet me. An ear might get pulled or a leg might get leaned on or a nose might get bit. So my idea of nice is "Stay on the Other Couch!!!" Anyway, he always wins. I move back and forth about 5 times but after he follows me that many times I give up and lay on the floor with Jorgie. She doesn't try to pet me.

By the Book

I went to vote in the Michigan primary last night. I have to admit that when your candidate doesn't win it feels a little bit like wasting time, but regardless of that it's important to exercise your rights, blah, blah, blah. Michael was a little trooper even though we had to make several stops before we got to the township hall. My previously tired, hungry and maybe even cranky republican marched right in saying "bvote, bvote." He smiled and charmed my high school track coach who was directing the voters (actually voter--I was the only one there at the time) to the various precincts and while we were chatting I heard someone call "Hi Michael!" and looked over to see my Aunt Phyllis manning precinct A. We headed right over to get our ballot and do some catching up, "how's your mom and dad in the keys? how are Darcy and Tom over in Africa? Michael sure is getting big--growing like a weed. Oh and I'm going to need to see a picture ID please?" I had to ask myself who she thought she was talking to before she had that drivers license in hand. But isn't it nice when people in a position of responsibility take their instructions seriously and even when there's a fairly obvious loop hole they do it anyway--because that's what is expected of them? I was proud of her--it's probably not easy to ask your niece for more identification than the standard--"hello, I believe you know my family tree better than I do..."

Lonely and Alone

There are some weeks that just don't go well. Most of the time those weeks start on Monday--the traditional "bad day"--but last Sunday I got a glimpse of the bad week I had coming. Some of it was just bad luck, some of it bad timing. But it happened to be the kinds of things that call to mind just why it must be nice to have a husband around. To not have to worry about some of these details that girls shouldn't have to worry about. I don't like to think about mice, or cars, or the trash. I don't like to worry about finances or stretching a one-income budget. And while I have plenty of friends that remind me that a husband isn't necessarily the missing piece of the puzzle--especially since you might have one that spends too much money or forgets to take out the trash or doesn't know how to fix a car--I still think it sure must be nice to have somebody that is required to share the burden with you.
Let me say I know that if I had gotten married ten years ago when I thought I wanted to and started a family in the traditional way I probably wouldn't have Michael right now. And there's nothing I may have missed along the way that I would trade for the gift God gave me in Michael. I can't imagine--don't want to imagine--life without him. And yet in the middle of a stressful week I still have the nerve to lay in bed with tears trickling down into my pillow feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and alone, wondering what it is about me that doesn't fit in with married life. Why it's best for me to not have a soul mate.
And then I realized that I have complete confidence that God has his best in mind for me. And that I actually get to talk about this with the One who made me. The One that actually knows the answers to my questions. Who knows the questions better than I do. And I thought about how there are happily married people that don't talk to God--some that don't even know that he lets us pour out our heart aches even when we know that we're given so much we don't have a right to heart ache. So thank you God for the tough weeks. Thanks for being close enough to remind me to share my burdens with you.
Love, Jamie

A Bag of Poo

Lately there seems to be a lot of news stories about house fires and people being rescued by their dogs. One boy said he and his friend were sleeping in the basement and they wouldn't have gotten out alive if his dog hadn't bit his foot. And I can see mom eyeing us dogs wondering who is the most likely hero. And I know she thinks it's me because I heard her say "that Jackie can wake me up just by breathing on me."
I'm telling you that so you can understand my thought process last night. I had an emergency. No, it wasn't a fire and maybe it was just my own personal emergency, but it was definitely going to affect the whole family. So I tried to wake up my mom, my care taker, my best friend. And she told me to shut up. I didn't even think parents were supposed to say shut up. So I whined a little more. And then I whined a little closer to Michael's room to show her I was in desperate need. I did this for an hour. Oh, I didn't just whine. I growled a little, I put my head on her leg, I hopped up and down off the bed. I considered biting her toe, but to be honest, I couldn't fine one in all those blankets. All the while thinking--How do you know I'm not telling you the house is on fire?!?!?! And all she did was mumbled about how she didn't care how many rabbits were playing outside the window. At one point I thought my diligence was going to pay off because she finally dragged herself out of bed--with a look in her eye that made me think she might push me down the stairs so I gave her a wide berth until we were safely down. And then do you know what she did? She left me downstairs and shut the door. As if everything was taken care of. Did I mention I had an emergency?!? So I did what I haven't had to admit to since puppy hood. I made a small....deposit. I was very considerate in regards to location--I made sure that the aroma would give anybody plenty of warning before they were in danger of taking an ill advised step. I was only able to sleep for about an hour after that before I realized I was going to have a repeat performance. So this time I barked. And I barked and I barked and I barked. And Mom knew what I was barking about the minute she opened the door (did I mention the aroma?) So now here I sit on the porch. Just me and the bag of poo...

The Amazing Race

I'm a big fan of the reality TV show, The Amazing Race. Before I had Michael I used to have a vague plan to try out for the show someday. I used to mentally interview potential partners and decide who I'd have the greatest chance of success with. It seems to me like the biggest problem teams have is when they start to bicker, so I thought I could do the race with one of my friends because we don't bicker like that. Kristi and I would do great. She's very competitive so I know we'd always be giving 110%. She's not a chicken like me so if there was any sky diving or tight rope walking she'd be able to take care of that part of the challenges. Kristi has always told people that I'm very good with directions so we would probably be able to divide up navigation responsibilities without too much second guessing going on. The problem is, I've never been sure that her husband would let her do the race with me when the two of them would probably make an even better team. My friend Tracey and I would have a great time. Except I think we'd get distracted with how much fun we were having and forget to focus on the race. And I have an uneasy feeling that whenever we came to a yucky food challenge she'd make me do it.

When they had the family teams of four I thought my cousin Kris, her husband Tom, my friend Craig and I would make an excellent team. Kris and I could be in charge of giving directions, Tom is willing to eat anything--the grosser the better--and Craig is very strong and willing to do anything, no matter how dangerous. Unfortunately they haven't had a family show since I came up with that dream team. My sister said that her husband Joel and I would make a great team. He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, so while I'd be shaking in my boots over any height challenge, he'd be happy to do those. He already likes a lot of unusual foods, so it would probably be hard to come up with a tough food challenge for him. He travels all the time and has an amazing talent for getting people at airports to help him out. And he's very smart. I think the piece of the puzzle my sister forgot, though, is that he doesn't always listen to my opinion and I'm pretty opinionated. So there might be some bickering on that team.

The current season they have a father-daughter team. They haven't been getting along great and you can tell that the dad is really working on not yelling at his daughter so much. Which is nice that he's working on it, but very sad that he needs to. Every time I see it I think, man--my dad would never talk to me like that. He would never get so caught up in a game that he'd forget that I was his daughter. He'd never belittle me when I made a mistake. He'd never shift the blame for his mistake onto me so he didn't have to admit fault. And that's when I realized that we'd be the perfect team. We don't argue, we appreciate each other's strengths (although I have to admit in a race like that he has the majority of the strengths), we could probably reach some compromise when it came to yucky food challenges, and we would have a great time travelling around the world. So if the show ever calls up and offers to fly Michael and his grandma to every pit stop so we don't miss them too much, I'm all set to win the million dollars.