Well, for those of you that know Michael's story you know that when things started to happen they happened very quickly. I made one phone call to an adoption agency to make an appointment to gather more information about international adoption and found out I was smack in the middle of God's timing because he already had Michael in the oven (so to speak). It reminds me of the story of Gideon where God made it so obvious that he was the one doing the work that he cut the army down to 300 men. I was like Gideon in a way during that time. I kept asking for sign after sign. I kept needing to be convinced that I was following God and not my own plan. I trembled every day thinking things were happening too fast and there was no way I was going to be ready for a baby. My mom probably remembers how I burst into tears when I got the call to head to the hospital and how I was trembling too much to pack. She knows I was worried about the baby and his health, but she might not know that I was terrified that I wasn't ready!!! I didn't know how to be a mom. But God didn't need a huge army of 30,000 to make me a mom. He just did it.
So knowing how quickly God has worked in the past, you may understand my feeling that making a phone call can really get a ball rolling. You might understand my hesitation to pick up the phone. But adoption has been on my mind and heart again. I want a baby, but more importantly I want to be in God's timing. I want to follow where he's leading and I want to be ready to go there with him. Next week I'm going to Fremont to meet with a lady about her quilting business. I'm excited to find out from somebody who is in the trenches whether this seems to be a viable option for a single mom that wants to work from home. And then the thought crossed my mind. My adoption agency is in Fremont. Maybe I should swing in and just get some preliminary information while I'm in town. So I called. And I didn't think it would feel like pushing the first domino like it was last time. But Suzanne from the agency just called back and she said, "Jamie--I think you should consider this new program we're doing in the county right next to you--when I got your call I immediately thought of this for you." The program is foster to adopt. Where an infant is placed with me while the county is trying to help the natural mom make changes and decisions that will enable her to parent the baby. And then that baby may or may not remain in my family. Wow--can you get hurt doing something like that. With a baby, you invest your whole heart. You can't give them less. But I wouldn't be putting my heart out there in the hands of the county or the adoption agency or even the baby. It would be safely sheltered in God's hands where he would continually remind me that whether the baby was in my family on a temporary or permanent basis, it's better to be in God's timing than anywhere else.
So I have the feeling that the next family member is already "in the oven." Don't get me wrong--I know that God's ways are not my ways. So he could be preparing my heart for a completely different lesson. It may end up that God says NO!! Don't head in that direction. Or it could be there's a baby that needs Michael and I for just a little while. Whatever is fine. And whatever comes with it--if it brings me closer to God, how can I complain about it? How can I doubt his love and care for my family when he takes us places that make us lean more fully on him?
So all of you that read this are in at the ground floor this time. This is the day after the first phone call. We'll see what happens from here.
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