Lonely and Alone

There are some weeks that just don't go well. Most of the time those weeks start on Monday--the traditional "bad day"--but last Sunday I got a glimpse of the bad week I had coming. Some of it was just bad luck, some of it bad timing. But it happened to be the kinds of things that call to mind just why it must be nice to have a husband around. To not have to worry about some of these details that girls shouldn't have to worry about. I don't like to think about mice, or cars, or the trash. I don't like to worry about finances or stretching a one-income budget. And while I have plenty of friends that remind me that a husband isn't necessarily the missing piece of the puzzle--especially since you might have one that spends too much money or forgets to take out the trash or doesn't know how to fix a car--I still think it sure must be nice to have somebody that is required to share the burden with you.
Let me say I know that if I had gotten married ten years ago when I thought I wanted to and started a family in the traditional way I probably wouldn't have Michael right now. And there's nothing I may have missed along the way that I would trade for the gift God gave me in Michael. I can't imagine--don't want to imagine--life without him. And yet in the middle of a stressful week I still have the nerve to lay in bed with tears trickling down into my pillow feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and alone, wondering what it is about me that doesn't fit in with married life. Why it's best for me to not have a soul mate.
And then I realized that I have complete confidence that God has his best in mind for me. And that I actually get to talk about this with the One who made me. The One that actually knows the answers to my questions. Who knows the questions better than I do. And I thought about how there are happily married people that don't talk to God--some that don't even know that he lets us pour out our heart aches even when we know that we're given so much we don't have a right to heart ache. So thank you God for the tough weeks. Thanks for being close enough to remind me to share my burdens with you.
Love, Jamie